Jacki3…

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  • Where is music going?

    Where is music going?

    I was sitting and listening to music this morning, and I realized that music is just another way that each generation leaves it mark in time. Each culture has its own contribution.


    In the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s, there was a lot of love and togetherness among couples if the music was any indication.  The desire to grow and to build a family. To have your slice of pie to eat.


    There were also a lot of revolutionary events that took place that needed to be spoken about. When you didn’t have that access in the world to get your point across, the artists took it upon themselves to speak for the people thru the music. And it helped to a degree.


    As we walked into the 80’s and 90’s, we became more vocal as a community. Rap music really began to take shape along with Metal, Punk , and Rock. Everyone had their form of self-expression. Genres even mixed on classics at that time. One being Run D.M.C. and Aerosmith’s, “Walk this way.”


    The new singers and their declarations of love were like a breath of fresh air. Fight for love! Women and men. It was a beautiful thing. Many children have been conceived on many of these favorite makeup to break up songs.

    There’s nothing like having a sweet voice to explain your feelings for you while you stare into your loved ones’ eyes. Kinda seals the deal.


    But you didn’t have all love during this time. Music also expressed the frustrations that many of us felt. Whether it gave you the willpower to fight thru another day or the voice that you needed to speak up for yourself, music was there for whatever we needed.


    Music during this time also showed another way of life. A chance to go from being poor and hungry to being rich beyond your desire. The chance to tell your story and to have others relate to your every word. This is a power in itself. A power that should always be understood and protected.


    As I look at the footprint that’s being left right now, I wonder, am I just being like my parents were with my music or is music in itself in trouble?


    The parents and grandparents around right now may slip a disc trying to pull out one of those classic dance moves. All in fun, right? Singing along, having a wonderful time.


    In 50 or 60 years, playing music in the local nursing home based on today’s climate, how will that work? Arthritis has set in so you can’t throw your set signs like that. Will they be hooking their fingers in their mouths to show off their dentures?


    There has to be some positive movement forward to encourage the youth to thrive for greatness. I’m sorry, but if I had a 7 year old daughter right now, I would be lost. Where are the kid groups? Who do these babies have? We are leaving them subject to listening to what we listen to, and that’s not necessarily the best for them to be hearing.


    So in a few years, you’ll have a preteen with a questionable outlook on life if we base it strictly on the music. Life is more than having a man fly you out and spend money on you. Life is more than you taking that money and making yourself look like every other girl in the world. But this is what they see.


    I just wanna be that old head in the back of the nursing home, laughing at all the crazy shaped bodies that walk in and try to pick out what surgeries they had. All while listening to the best of the 90’s in my earpods.

    Jacki3

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  • When you stop…

    When you stop…

    You take away the possibility of completion.

    I tell myself this often enough but as the days go on, it’s a lot easier said than done. The reality is, the people that didn’t spawn from wealthy families or had trusts waiting for them, really put in the work.

    Finding your lane, your field of expertise and thriving in it is a beautiful thing. I was told, “A lot of prayer combined with your effort is a winning combination.” They are successful and happy. I believe them.

    On the days when your plans don’t go as planned. You face setback after setback and there seems to be no light at the tunnel. The easiest thing to do is to let it go. Walk away and give up.

    But before you do, I have a question. Why did you start in the first place? What was so special about you then that’s not inside of you now?

    You drove into a cul-de-sac. But in your eyes you see a dead end street. We have to wake up and realize that at some point we just made a wrong turn. We may have to shift gears. Change a direction. But we keep going.

    If it was easy, everyone would do it. Life isn’t easy. You have choices, decisions, heartaches, pain, stressful days, and tear filled nights. You know more now than you did a year ago. You’re probably almost to your destination.

    If you quit, if you stop, it will always be, “I could’ve did that” when you talk to your friends and kids.

    I want them to see that I did what I said I would do.

    Keep going. Just a little bit longer. It’s for you.

    It’s yours already.

    Jacki3

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  • NO FEAR

    NO FEAR

    Unfortunately, through life, many of us have learned levels of fear that we shouldn’t have had to. Fear should be a place of protection, working along side of common sense.

    Fear can come from violence, threat of abuse, or even the natural unnatural, death. While all of these things to most deserve that level of fear. But what happens when that level of fear begins to consume life? You lose.

    You were scared to ask that young lady to the prom. She went with the guy that asked.

    Your boss is getting promoted. He tells you first. You’re more than qualified for the job and that’s why he told you first. You congratulate him but don’t ask about the opening position. Your coworker who is always late among other things throws his hat in the ring for the job. Now you’re working for someone who knows a lot less than you.

    Why? Because of fear. Maybe the fear of being told no and passed over. Maybe. It could be the fear of rejection. That’s healthy and normal right?

    But where does that get you? No where that you’re trying to be.

    We have to respect fear but to also keep it in it’s place.

    And let’s not confuse the scared version of fear with the fear that comes with common sense.

    It’s time to advance life. The world is still turning. It’s time to catch up.

    Jacki3

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  • Sad but its life

    Tomorrow I will bury my very first friend in scholastic life. Even though we haven’t spoken in years, dealing with death makes you reflect on the impact of the soul thats lost has had on your life.

    EZD had a major impact on my life. The first phone number I ever dialed. The first person outside of my parents that let me know that it was ok to be smart. We were the only 2 of our race in the gifted program at our suburban school.

    So close that you would’ve imagined a physical relationship. But at times, a friendship that lasts a lifetime is whats best.

    Im shedding my first tear for your loss tonight because I can’t believe that its real. But knowing that the proof will be visible in less than 12 hours has finally got me.

    Goodbye my friend. I will love you always. Thank you for being there for me all the times that I needed you. I know that I was there, but I wish I would’ve been there more. The way we parted ways should’ve never been.

    Another person that doesn’t get to hear exactly what they mean to us before its too late.

    The pain of the unknown is the worst.

    Love before death. In this life, death is the end.

    Jacki3

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  • My answer in short

    How have your political views changed over time?

    No. Because I don’t put my faith in the government. How could you? We can’t agree with each other as a people. How can we expect someone to go in and please everyone? That’s perfection. And there’s only One that can offer that.

    My political views… Trust in God. Not man. So no, they’ll never change.

    Jacki3

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  • Misery in happiness.  1: The beginning

    Maestro Douglas Means Jr., Son of Maestro Means Sr. and Beverly Renee Cummings-Means. I’m the middle of 3 kids. I have an older brother and a younger sister. They are most certainly deemed to be very respectable citizens in our community. They got it right. My parents did a great job with them. But me, I needed more answers than the ones I was given about things in life.

    Our household was, is, and always will be, firm believers in the truth and the faith. So, there were a lot of things that i just didn’t get to see but i wanted to know. And telling me stay away from all things that were quote unquote harmful just wasn’t enough for me. In hindsight, i wish it would’ve been. Granny always use to say that a hard head makes a soft behind. And she never told a lie.

    The people that my parents wanted me to be cool with were alright. But they didn’t think about the things that I did. Nor did they question the things that I wondered. So, I began to associate with, well let’s just say some people that liked to bend the rules and laws to their liking. One guy i went to school with, 9 is what he goes by, but his name is James wright, was always cool with me. We never hung out like that on purpose but if he or I went in the club, we both were welcome in each others vip section. It was just respect.

    James’s family were gangsters. Gangsta in every sense of the word. They had the city in a vice grip. Gambling, drugs, women, forged documents that were legit…. they had it all. All of what, I don’t know. But women loved them and everybody I knew wanted to be down with them. So, when James said swing thru, you know that I had to go.

    I won’t forget the day because that’s the day that everything changed. For me. And for my life’s course.

    March 25, 2001. The last Sunday of the month and also the beginning of spring break. The Wright’s had a ranch on the back side of town with a lake, pool, and a shooting range in rear of the property. It was probably about 35 acres with a 50-yard-long gate encasing the majority of the property. In the bigger areas this would probably cost around 5 or 6 million. But this is the country, and the land has been passed down and built on. It’s a compound to honest. Heavily protected.

    Whipping my truck down the winding road leading up to the property after passing thru the gate, it looked rundown, heavily wooded. Until I got to the next gate. I didn’t know there were 2. Once I was buzzed thru and started driving in, my mouth dropped. It was like a whole different city inside. I mean there are literally townhouses inside here. Community pool. This is insane. I’m not sure how I feel but I’m here now.

    He told me to drive all the way to the rear. That’s where his family’s house was. Definitely not a house. Looks about double in size of that house in the one movie that that lady got dragged out the front door by her husband. Huge. In our little country town. I would’ve never known.

    “Stro! What up bruh? I didn’t think you was gonna show. You know how your daddy is. You stay away from them people. They don’t mean nobody no good!”. James, I mean 9, laughed real hard at that one.

    “9, it’s my first year out of school. I’m a full-grown man. And you’re my dawg. I wouldn’t have missed it for nothing. Plus, you said, they gone be out here, so Maestro gone be out here.” My love for women would always be my downfall. Sometimes I just don’t say no when I know that I need to.

    “Come on to the back. I’ll show you the house later, but everybody is out back. Here homie.” 9 passed me the blunt as we headed down the walkway on the side of the house. They should have golfcarts for all this. “I would’ve pulled up on the golfcart, but they took them in the woods for something.” Yeah. They had it all.

    We hit the back by the lake and the pool, and it looked like something out of a music video. Half naked women everywhere doing whatever they please. I’ve only dreamed about stuff like this. And this was 9’s life. As we are walking thru, he’s getting hugs from some beautiful women and introducing me along the way. I even snagged a hug or 2 myself.

    I’m not sure how long the party lasted but around 1 a.m., I knew that I had to head out. I was half drunk and I smoked more weed today than I have in the last year. There’s no way that I can go home smelling like this. Where’s 9? His brother is about my size. I wonder if I could borrow a shirt until tomorrow.

    I scanned through the party for about 30 minutes, and I couldn’t find him. He must be in the house. I went in thru one of the back doors and it led to the kitchen. I passed thru looking for the stairs. I’m sure everyone sleeps upstairs. A double set of stairs dead center in the front of the house. This house is too big. I check a couple of rooms, and they look like girl’s rooms. Once I opened the 3rd door, I knew I needed to go home. It looked like a gun store inside. I closed the door as soon as I saw what looked to be a machine gun. The next door was a man’s room. I quickly hit the closet to scan. There’s barely anything in here that I could pass off as mine. There was a hoodie in the back. It’ll have to do.

    As I started to head back toward the stairs, I thought I heard 9’s voice so I went down the next hall. I cracked the door slowly and there was 9, sitting on a table, getting blown away by a lady who I thought was his auntie because she was there with his mother. All while he counted a stack full of money. Unfazed. This was his life completely opposite mine. Do you know what I would have to do to get that type of service? Good guys obviously finish last because the bad guy is buying Gucci and getting free coochie. I closed the door and headed home. I need a piece of that life.

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  • Strength thru pain…

    The feelings that you have once you know you’re in deep in the final stages of a divorce are strange, to say the least.

    For myself, I feel that my spouse is feeling some sense of regret for letting things get this far. Yet and still, continuing with the same actions that led us to this point.

    I’m a person who loves. If we have a disagreement, we both may be mad. But I will not let us go to bed apart.  That’s who I am. And I feel I deserve the same.

    I have slept apart from my spouse for months. With zero attempts to bring me back to bed. It is said that I left on my own accord. What a world we live in!

    Once I’m gone, and reality sets in that everything I said was true, I don’t wish any grief. Only acceptance and regret.

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  • Misery in happiness

    Intro

    Why was it so hard for you to show your emotions to me? After all we’ve been through. I need you to help me understand. I know I haven’t always been honest with you, but I’ve always loved you. Our conversations don’t always turn out the best which leaves somethings better left unsaid. We’ve had so much conflict lately. Where did it all go wrong? We used to be so good…. we “used” to be.

    When we first met, my attraction to you was obvious. While I’ve Never been that guy that just ran to have a conversation with a beautiful woman, there’s something about that eye contact, a slight sneaky smile, a drink sent, or maybe just a true organic introduction. But love in the laundromat? This is a first for me for sure.

    Me and a few of the guys in my building loaded up the work van with our laundry for the week and went over town to Comfort Klean, the local laundromat. Shawn and Slick raced out of van to get inside. Not that they were dying to get their laundry done. See for these guys, they’re trying to find the available women in the building. Shawn said, “Laundry tells you who’s in the house. If I don’t see any men’s dirty draws going in or out of the washer, it’s showtime!”. They keep a lot of women, so I guess they’re accurate. It’s crazy.

    I grabbed my bags and started towards the door ready to get this over with. My mama did my laundry until i left home. And then after that, Chelle, my ex, she took care of everything. Now it’s just me in a new city left to figure it out on my own.

    And that is when I saw you. I couldn’t see your body because of the 2 baskets that you were carrying. But I could see the small curves of your hips off to the side. No ring on your finger. I couldn’t see your laundry to check for a man’s boxers. But it doesn’t matter to me because what I want to know I will ask.

    Threw down my laundry and moved to step up and grab the door for you. My palms are sweating. What’s up with that? I know I haven’t been out here chasing in a minute, but I couldn’t be this far off of my square. You looked at me as I gestured for you to walk through the door. You weren’t looking at me with the kind of look that i was looking at you with. The look on your face was the look of a woman that always gets approached by men. Alot. You’re beautiful. Yes, I get it. But you haven’t been approached by me. Not yet.

    “Which one is your car? I’ll get the door for you or let me just take those baskets. They look a little heavy.”

    She said, “No thank you but i appreciate the help with the door. Have a good evening.”

    Huh? Have a good evening? We dont just close doors like that where I’m from. And definitely not on me. But I cant come off like that. I gotta play this kind of strategic.

    “Ah ok. You too Betty.” I bent down to pick up my laundry and mentally waited. How am i gonna call her a name that she hasnt even given me. 1, 2….

    “Excuse me sir, I’m not sure who Betty is, I never gave you a name. Wrong woman. Goodnight.”

    “Youre right. You didnt give me your name. Not that i didnt want to ask but i also didnt want to keep stepping to you like im sure all men do.” Her face softened. She liked that. Time to put the nail in the coffin.

    “So i figured id call you Betty since you obviously like Betty Boop. The bowtie on Chevy logo on your tahoe is red. The license plate in the front is betty boop. And your slides are polka dots. So yeah, Betty. Unless that smile on your face is an indication that you do want me to have your name. As well as your phone number so that we can talk at a better time.”

    Shes thinking. But she smiled. A little too hard to. I watched her sway a little bit as she sized me up. 6’1. 245 pounds solid. Standing tall in my air max and black sweatpants. Basic but hopefully it’ll do.

    “Im April. And you are?”
    “My name is Maestro.”
    “Stop it. Your real name please sir.”
    “Thats what my mother named me. When you meet her next month, you can ask her.”

    She laughed. “Maestro, I just gave you my name, who said I’m meeting your mom?”

    “Me. Because the way i see it, that gives me 30 days to have you fall for me. There’s just one problem with that.”

    “And what might that be?”

    “The problem that im having is, trying to figuring out what we’re gonna do with the other 29 days we’ll have left. Thats the struggle.”

    She handed me her baskets and told me to follow her. She couldn’t stop laughing so she can’t stop smiling. She handed me her phone number once I put her laundry in the back of her truck. Told her I’d call her tomorrow. Gave her a side chuch hug with a peck on the forehead. Game. Set. Match. But did i win or did i lose.

    Misery in happiness

    Jacki3

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  • The beginning or the end…

    I’ve worked my entire life to be where I am at this very moment. I finished college, which was a chore in itself. Landed a decent job in my field of choice. Married the woman of my dreams. The kids, cars, homes, by all rights, I can say I made it.

    But if I did, then why am I so miserable.

    Now I’m sitting here in Dr. You’re Hiding Your Feelings office about to go thru my first hour of torture.

    Not to be petty of anything, but she should be here too. I mean, I didn’t create this drama on my own. This session wasn’t even my idea.

    To be fair and honest thou, I did blow up. I’ve never been so angry in my life. My teeth were bleeding as I screamed. I Broke my foot, kicking out his car windows. I threw things in the fire that were very important to us.

    Eyes bloodshot red. My face should’ve been stained with tears of blood. I was hurt. But all of that didn’t have to happen. It never should have ever happened. But it did.

    All because you brought him into my home. Why? That’s the question that needs to be answered. And unless Dr. You’re Hiding Your Feelings was there, or you told them why you did it already, this is pointless.

    Brandy… This is on you.

    “Mr. Lyle, please head to room 1017.” And it begins.

    The Beginning Or The End…
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  • Me and medical marijuana…

    DARK PURPLE. INDICA. BEAUTIFUL.

    My daily dosages of marijuana have helped me out greatly over time. Always leveled me out. Made me able to deal with my duties in life when things got to be too much. Alot of things are becoming clear for me as I look at things as a whole.

    There have been some very important events that have taken place in life that I didn’t attend. Not that I didn’t want to. But the pressure of being in an unknown environment with people that I don’t know and not being medicated didn’t sit well with me. I had this problem for years growing older without marijuana. Cost me friendships and opportunities that should’ve been kept. Finally marijuana made it possible to follow thru on most things.

    I’ve always been a nighttime smoker because that just fits my lifestyle. Raising kids, dealing with clients, cooking, cleaning, and a billion other things to do is a lot. And for me to properly do these things, I couldn’t walk around faded.

    I guess that’s one of the ways the marijuana card has helped me. Showing me as well as me personally researching and learning this beautiful plant and its uses.

    Do your research. Every healthy option should be explored when it comes to our bodies.

    Imagine turning this into an oil, then marinating and grilling your steak in it with an infused whipped butter finish. Paired with potatoes and broccoli 🥦 your choice to cook with some og butter. Wow!

    JACKI3

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